Careful of your Thoughts!

I have always had a flair for the dramatic and those of you who know me are not really shocked by this revelation you are reading on the page. However, sometimes my thoughts get a little carried away and head down a wrong and sometimes destructive path. I believe that I have overcome quite a bit in this area, thanks to a handful of books from Shad Helmstetter including What to Say When You Talk to Yourself and John Maxwell's Thinking for A Change. But once again, last week, it was proof that I am human and do sway off the path of productive change and slide down the slope of horrible thoughts.
Poor little Adam fell down more last week than he had since he was learning to walk. Open road, he'd fall, run into doors, and of course the standard scrapes and bruises he obtains from running down our semi-steep driveway. Well, at first it was not a big deal, but then I began to worry. (Bad idea!) From when he was six months old, he has had what they call benign macrocephaly and for those of you who took med-tech terminology in college it really translates into "no big deal big head". Of course I knew his head was big when he was born and it measured 15cm around....real cool, since we are graciously given 10cm in childbirth. So at 9 months (last summer) we had a full CT scan on his head and it was determined that it was really nothing, just a big head. I think it is charming, but I am partial.
But when he started stumbling all over the place, I was taken back to the place of thoughts I had when he had that scan and all the things that "could've" been wrong. I remember not spending much time there (I must have been reading some of Dr. Helmstetters books at the time). For whatever reason, last week, I was going down a terrible path.

I have a dear friend, who has gone through way more than CT scans with her child starting at age 3 months, brain surgerys, tests beyond belief and I often think of what she does to control her thoughts. This is her reality, it is true and real and fully present in their daily lives. When I was reading one of her blogs, she had gone through so many thoughts of What if this? What if that? And her wise mother told her..."So What?" How true that is? So what? Is it going to change anything? Will we love our children less? Will it turn us to the Lord in prayer more? Will it humble ourselves to trust that God is in control? Sounds like a way better thought process to me. That is why she has the song by Mercy Me, Bring the Rain on her blog.

Again, my point is that I need to brush up on my thoughts and after several good friends and family had told me, "He's probably growing." or "Maybe his allergies are bothering him and he has extra fluid in his ears throwing off his equilibrium" Uh, yeah, WAY better thoughts than mine of "What if they missed something?" No thanks, I'll be reading! Thank you God for good friends, for your word, for your thoughts that I desperately need to be mine.

Happy Birthday Little A

We are so happy to have celebrated Adam's 2nd birthday last weekend. His party was equipped with both sets of grandparents, 17 of his closest friends, their moms and dads and well...a rainy day! But put a few problem solving parents together and we managed to have quite an entertaining birthday party for our sweet little boy. It is hard to believe that it has gone by this fast. It still shocking to me actually! Luke and Emma have been watching the video from when he was born and that has brought back so many fond memories for us. Little A was far from little when he was born, he arrived 4 days late and much to all of our surprise, he weighed 9 lbs. 8oz. Phew...none of us were expecting that. How great it was to finally hear him cry after what seemed like a long time and once the crying began...to finally find out who exactly was on that table...a boy or a girl....a minor detail they did not mention when he was born....I guess breathing was slightly more important.

As I recall all of the reasons he makes our family so special, I want to share them with all of you.
I love that he can say his brother and sister's names...you will often find him yelling "Luuuuuu" and "Sissy". I just love how much he loves them and how sad he is to leave them at school everyday and what joy fills his heart when he sees them come out the door at the end of their day. I love his laugh, his big brown eyes, his hugs, and the wet and sometimes slimy kisses. He is so funny, he loves to investigate, and in my opinion has a future in Public Relations as he will say Hi to anyone who he meets and if you walk by him in a store and do not say hello...he'll keep at it until you do! I love looking at his fat little hands as he points to things or waves to a neighbor down the street. I know those fat hands will not last long...so I want to eat them up while I can! He is a great dancer, a great runner...although that sometimes is a problem and if you can't tell...I think he is just great. Most of all, I am so thankful for the addition of our baby boy to this family. What a blessing he continues to be for our family. Happy Birthday Little A...we love you!

My Brave Little Girl

This week we have been fighting illness in our house. Adam started it with pink eye and then on Tuesday, both of the older kids had pink eye as well. Emma was so bummed out that she would have to miss school, but no one wants to be "that mom" who sends their infectious kids to school. Jeremy and I were up on Tuesday evening with her as she had a horrible earache. But she insisted on going to school on Wednesday and seemed fine all day. Today, when I was dropping Luke off to school, I was giving Emma a dose of her pink eye drops and she mentioned that her ear hurt a little. An hour later, she was in tears at the nurse's office with a terrible double ear infection.
What is my point in all of this? Clearly, not the illness update of the Hagans...but what a remarkable little girl we are so very privileged to raise. From the moment I found out I was pregnant with her 7 years ago, she has been such a tough kid. I was never as sick as I was with her, and her mom was not very tough, she couldn't even keep food down until I was 20 weeks along. But she continued to grow, and to be the strong girl that she is today. Then her mom had kidney stones two separate times. This was not good for the baby, her environment was not "ideal" to say the least. When she thought about bailing out (and coming too early), she decided to stick it out with me; because she is brave, because she is tough and because she is Emma, and she does not give up even under the most undesirable circumstances. I am not going to lie or sugar coat this at all, Emma is hard to raise on many days, but I am beginning to understand that it is her toughness that makes her who she is and with the good tough comes the bad tough. I cannot wait to see what she will do in her life. I am so incredibly excited to see what she will do with that toughness.
I emailed her teacher to let her know that Emma would miss tomorrow and she asked me if Emma had a high tolerance for pain? After a bit of email dialogue, I said, yes, she rarely cries over being hurt or in pain. (Don't get me wrong..she cries a lot over stuff). And her teacher informed me that Emma herself did not tell her that she was ill, another student had told her that she was sick. That little girl was going to try and stick it out even though she has a terrible earache! If I were to fast forward 15 years...I would totally hire her!!!!

Dear Lord,
Please place your healing hand on Emma Grace and heal her from this pain she is enduring and thank you for allowing us to be her parents and to experience this incredible person.
Amen